Advice on proper gym etiquette

22 Nov

While I realize this would be a perfect opportunity for another “Really!?! with Jeff” moment, I’ve decided to go a different direction.  Think of my fitness center observations as potential Dear Abby letters and these, quite possibly, the responses they’d get back:

Dear No Space ‘Til Weight Rack,

Yes I understand you have 100 pound dumbbells in each hand and that you must complete 15 reps of shoulder shrugs, but must you stand directly in front of the weight rack?  Other people are also working out in the same space and probably want access to the dumbbells.  Perhaps pick up your weights and take 3 paces backwards?  I’m willing to bet the excruciating pain of holding the weight stationary won’t be any worse 5 feet from the mirror.  It would also allow you to vary your Nike-zen meditation time in between sets whilst you close your eyes with chin held high.  No more staring eyes burning in the back of your head.

Dear Beyond Body Odor,

Because it is a gym I do expect you to sweat.  In fact, I’ll guess that most folks working out do indeed sweat.  Your error in judgement, however, is choosing to workout without a little something called deodorant.  It comes in aerosol form or more popularly, a solid stick.  Applying this magical invention into your armpits would spare fellow exercisers around you the shock and awe of incredible stink after the 50 minute session on the treadmill, the 30 minutes on the elliptical, and 10 minutes on the row machine.  Use it and don’t be afraid to even reapply during a bathroom break!

Dear Black Zorro,

They say black is a slimming color, tricking the eyes into an illusion of sorts.  I’m not sure they envisioned a tight black long-sleeve compression shirt in size XXL to be worn above spandex running tights of capri length, also in size XXL.  Just because it’s black doesn’t mean everyone wants to see the layer of, let’s just call it non-muscle, display every crack and crevice.  Are you aware that Under Armour makes looser fitting clothing?  It’s true, they also feel great to the wearer, but best of all it won’t show off the White Castle slider 30-pack you just ate 2 hours ago.  Stop by your local Sports Authority, you’ll be glad you did.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: