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Stop! iDBag time!

20 Sep

Apple iPhone 5C / 5S launch in New York

In what has become the annual Fall ritual for laughs and minions of eccentric people waiting in a useless line for a cellular phone, the Apple iPhone 5C / 5S made it debut today in the United States and other countries worldwide.  Nothing out of the ordinary here, except that the popularity of companies paying people to stand in said lines for the purpose of advertising has gone up.  I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, I see vehicles bodywrapped in advertising fast casual restaurants all the time.  Charging north of $700 makes people subject themselves to circumstances in order to obtain the newest piece of electronics, even if the company logo on the t-shirt they’re wearing actually improved their wardrobe that day.  In an interesting side note, an analyst at Piper Jaffray found that the line at the Apple flagship store in Manhattan was up 83% from the previous Apple iPhone launch in 2012.  Wait a sec, there is an investment bank retaining line statistics for mobile phone launches?  I might need to coin a label for -these- folks…

Nike must have failed Geography 101

17 Jul

nfl_nike_panther_tshirt

Whoops.  In the midst of my chuckling, I’ve been trying to figure out what is worse- misidentifying South Carolina as North Carolina or getting this error past the quality control department.   On Tuesday July 16th 2013, clothing apparel giant Nike released a statement that a small quantity of Carolina Panther t-shirts emblazoned with the above geographical error were mistakenly made available for sale.  While the apology was certainly aimed at the picture mistake, could it have subconsciously been directed at North Carolina residents also?  The snafu seemed to suggest both states may have recently completed a merger, moving all people and operations into South Carolina while retaining the “North Carolina” label.  I know if Minnesota was suddenly grouped into Iowa I’d have to become an Under Armour brander for life.  Environmentalists need not fret, i’m sure Nike Outlet stores will begin selling this t-shirt soon enough.

A mini line of iDbags for the iPad mini

2 Nov

When the iPhone 5 launched on September 21, 2012 I decided to skip posting about it.  Why?  Not because the iDbaggery was becoming redundant, I was just too lazy coming up with another comical post title.  Today seemed different- a good day to return to the humor as Apple scheduled an 8am PST/10am EST release of its newest product, the iPad mini.  As suspected, the fanfare was out in full force in places like San Francisco, producing a result that didn’t require my own humorous interjection.  With a line of 80+ people when the doors opened, all patrons entered the store in about 15 minutes, including one gentleman who was in line since 2am and a handful of others since 5am.  Was a wait of that length worth it?  You do the math.  Today’s launch queue line may have been “mini”, borrowing from the product’s namesake if you will, but it was such a notion victorious iDbags were certainly thankful for.

Everyone standing together

11 Sep

This past Friday night, September 7 2012,  I found myself completely focused on the one-hour telethon which aired on all major networks and probably half of those on cable.  The sponsor?  Stand Up To Cancer (SU2C), a charity organization started several years ago by media and entertainment leaders.  The unique aspect I like about this organization is that 100% of publicly donated funds go directly to research- none to costs.  That is a bold tenant to declare in general, let alone for a charity program.  You donate money and you immediately know it’s going towards research aimed at finding a cure for cancer.  A power thought for those of us not in the media, entertainment, or philanthropy.  Appearances by celebrities such as Jessica Biel, Samuel Jackson, Tom Hanks, and Julia Roberts helped buoy the somber and supportive broadcast co-produced by Gweneth Paltrow.  I learned that being a cop in Baltimore isn’t nearly as hard as treatment from one survivor and that a certain 3 year old boy won’t ever let cancer take himself away from his Legos, even if he doesn’t win the fight.  Many many words and stories packed together in one short hour.  The most intriguing moment of the evening was recording artist Taylor Swift singing “Ronan”, a song she penned with the mother of a blog who lost her 3 year old son to cancer last year.  A very powerful hour of television aimed at defeating a very powerful disease.  As evidenced by the $81 million raised by the telethon, people seem to think cancer won’t stand a chance much longer.

iDBags x 3 = iPad 3

16 Mar

It’s like the next movie in a film series with absolutely predictable results- tech company improves product slightly, tech company manufacturers hype (surprisingly), tech company makes announcement, people line up at store hours and hours beforehand to spend $499 or more for something they won’t have to wait for in 2 weeks.  Rinse.  Repeat.  Apple released it’s iPad 3 today in nine countries, including the United States, to the usual fanfare associated with their products.  I am releasing my usual commentary to said fanfare which could also be summed up in a not-so-politically-correct acronym: WTF.  One amusing thing to note- for all the pictures circulating of various people holding their white boxes with the dark grey insignia, you can play a rousing game of “Caption This”.  Try it, it’s fun for the whole office!

The end of a Ford era

16 Dec

As the sun rose this morning and the voluntary 4 hour first shift wrapped up the last Ford Ranger pickup destined for Orkin, Ford Motor Company’s Twin Cities Assembly Plant 86 year run came to an end.  As an auto enthusiast and resident of St. Paul, MN I can’t say I wasn’t a little heartbroken.  No I haven’t ever owned a Ford vehicle myself, however, I have known quite a few who did.  One person even owned several Rangers.  All enjoyed their Fords.  The plant closing also meant the end to some 800 jobs.  While I’m optimistic that a viable solution will be produced from the land site, I just didn’t understand the reasoning behind closing the most efficient assembly plant in the Ford arsenal.  Shipping costs for parts no doubt played a major role.  I guess St. Paul is just located on the wrong side of the upper Midwest to remain in the automotive business.  Good luck to all those workers, the Highland Park neighborhood wishes you well.

Advice on proper gym etiquette

22 Nov

While I realize this would be a perfect opportunity for another “Really!?! with Jeff” moment, I’ve decided to go a different direction.  Think of my fitness center observations as potential Dear Abby letters and these, quite possibly, the responses they’d get back:

Dear No Space ‘Til Weight Rack,

Yes I understand you have 100 pound dumbbells in each hand and that you must complete 15 reps of shoulder shrugs, but must you stand directly in front of the weight rack?  Other people are also working out in the same space and probably want access to the dumbbells.  Perhaps pick up your weights and take 3 paces backwards?  I’m willing to bet the excruciating pain of holding the weight stationary won’t be any worse 5 feet from the mirror.  It would also allow you to vary your Nike-zen meditation time in between sets whilst you close your eyes with chin held high.  No more staring eyes burning in the back of your head.

Dear Beyond Body Odor,

Because it is a gym I do expect you to sweat.  In fact, I’ll guess that most folks working out do indeed sweat.  Your error in judgement, however, is choosing to workout without a little something called deodorant.  It comes in aerosol form or more popularly, a solid stick.  Applying this magical invention into your armpits would spare fellow exercisers around you the shock and awe of incredible stink after the 50 minute session on the treadmill, the 30 minutes on the elliptical, and 10 minutes on the row machine.  Use it and don’t be afraid to even reapply during a bathroom break!

Dear Black Zorro,

They say black is a slimming color, tricking the eyes into an illusion of sorts.  I’m not sure they envisioned a tight black long-sleeve compression shirt in size XXL to be worn above spandex running tights of capri length, also in size XXL.  Just because it’s black doesn’t mean everyone wants to see the layer of, let’s just call it non-muscle, display every crack and crevice.  Are you aware that Under Armour makes looser fitting clothing?  It’s true, they also feel great to the wearer, but best of all it won’t show off the White Castle slider 30-pack you just ate 2 hours ago.  Stop by your local Sports Authority, you’ll be glad you did.

The iDbags are baaa-aack

14 Oct

Apple’s iPhone 4S went on sale this morning @ 8am in all timezones around the United Status.  As usual, hundreds of early-early-early adoption folks lined the streets outside the various Apple stores around the country.  Also as usual, I had a good laugh at all these psychotic Apple customers- sleeping overnight in the elements to spend $650+ on a phone that you could just pick up in two weeks during the afternoon of a random weekday.  Tools indeed.

Please Apple, stop the madness

7 Oct

So Apple is releasing the latest version of their smartphone next week, the iPhone 4S.  I log into AT&T and for fun, follow the upgrade wizard through the end to see what they’ll charge me, a customer whose phone was just upgraded in March.  To my surprise was the above full pricing structure.  $850 for a cellular smartphone?  Wow.  To Steve Jobs credit, his company certainly built a marketing machine to come up with a price so high and think the product will actually sell.  Wow- had to say it again.